Dick for the Day

I'd be lying if I told you that I never questioned what it would be like to have a dick for a day. God blessed me with a vagina, but lately is seems more like a curse. Don't get me wrong, I truly love my dear friend, as having her around provides for numerous benefits such as free drinks at the bar, the ability to get out of speeding tickets, and the all encompassing power of the pussy just to name a few. But my list of complaints has piled up so high that I find myself more and more often thinking about how life would be living as a boy. Sure free drinks are nice and all, but having the power to pick who to buy drinks for seems more appealing. On top of minor things like that boys also don't have to constantly worry about getting pregnant, they are usually more capable of staying emotional rational when it comes to relationships, and they generally don't give a fuck about anything other than sex, beer, and video games. 

So I decided to come up with a list of the top ten things I would do if I was granted the privilege of having a cock for the day. I'm restricting myself to a twenty-four fantasy limit, because given an extension, I'd probably keep it.

In order from morning to night, here are the ten things me and my penis would aim to accomplish in one day:

1.    Wake up to discover my dick and within minutes proceed to give myself a handjob instead of my routine morning stretching. Then per usual, I'd go to the bathroom except I'd treat  my dick like one of those water shooting gun games at carnivals and fairs and aim my piss in the toilet. Or if I'm feeling daring enough I'd try to pee directly in the toilet without holding on it. Buck wild.

2.      Again per my usual routine of the day, I’d jump in the shower and give myself a second handy and try to discover what’s so great about balls.

3.    See if there’s any way I could find a girl to make me a breakfast sandwich and if successful I’ll attempt to seduce with cheesy pickup lines. If they fail, who’ll give a shit, it’s only morning and there’s plenty of pussy out there.

4.      Assuming that if I had a dick, I’d be a typical bro, so after breakfast I’d longboard to my bromigos to play some Call of Duty/Halo type video game for hours, then move to backyard to toss the lacrosse ball and football around in my lax pinnie until we start drinking. Depending on the weather time could be from when I arrive to 5 o’clock.

5.      At some point during bro time when casually just sitting, I’ll nonchalantly stick my hands down my pants regardless who is present. I always see guys doing this, and it somehow treated as a non-spoken about gesture. I know they’re not jacking off, so I have to believe that their just using it as a resting place for their hand…maybe to keep them warm? Whatever the reason is, I will partake.

6.     Get kicked in the balls- Just to see how bad it actually feels. Based on every guy’s reaction I’m sure it is truly painful. But for arguments sake, I want to experience it so when the time comes I can say it’s not where near comparison to child birth.

7.   Because I am an awesome bro, I’m once again assuming that I have muscles. I’ll need them to do kegstands for sixty plus seconds and other ridiculous drinking positions such as the gargoyle.

8.     Bar hopping- Unfortunately for me I wasn’t blessed with the strength to hold large amounts of  alcohol, therefore making it extremely hard to bounce from place to place without the risk of dying.  I’d use my man liver to give ridiculous amounts of alcohol and guide me through the night.

9.      Get into a bar fight. Regardless if I win or lose…getting in a bar fight has always been a dream of  mine, and considering how bro I’m making myself with a dick, I’ll leave victorious.

10.  Find someone to take home to put my dick in.  I don’t care if she doesn’t like giving head, she’s going to learn to like my hands on her head because I’ll also be getting my cocked sucked that night. We will proceed to have the remainder of the night until I am faced with the decision between two options.

a.       I convince her to sleep over that way in the morning I can manipulate her into spreading  her legs or mouth wide for my morning wood, and then I’ll tell her sweet nothings to make her believe I’m a good guy because maybe I’ll get breakfast out of it.

b.      Finish off the night by giving her a nice mushroom slap directly to the face.

Personally, I’d have to go with the latter because I’m not sure how satisfied I’d be with myself to find my day with a dick didn’t end with a cock slap to the face. Then I could safely say that I went out with a bang.